In celebration of Spider-Man’s return to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, we’re taking a closer look at Spidey’s hottest relationships.
With Spider-Man finally joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), and Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s time for an obligatory top five list of mine (and yours)—ranking hot comic book babes. Or, more specifically: Spider-Man’s hottest girlfriends/sexual conquests. Let’s examine how love has treated “Puny Parker” over the years.
1. Felicia Hardy (Black Cat)
Spidey enjoyed an on-again/off-again relationship with Felicia, primarily in the ’80s. She’s really into cosplay (see photo) and is extremely flexible and athletic. Sadly, she’s also nuts, and recently tried to take Spidey down with Electro’s (a supervillain whose powers were triggered by a freak lightning accident that turned him into a living electrical capacitor—COMIC BOOKS!) help.
Hotness Level: 9
Batshit Crazy Level: 11
2. Gwen Stacy
Spidey’s first true love. Gwen Stacy was to Peter Parker in ’60s/’70s as Lois Lane is to Superman today. Parker never revealed to her his true identity, and his secret caused conflict in their relationship. Gwen Stacy met her end after being kidnapped by the Green Goblin and dying in the ensuing battle (let’s just say it involves being thrown off a bridge). Years later, Parker learned Gwen had had an affair with Norman Osborn—you may know him as the Green Goblin—shortly before her death.
Hotness Level: 8 (in a go-go ’70s kinda way)
These Hoes Ain’t Loyal Level: 10
3. Mary Jane Watson
Mary Jane is an actress/model/dancer/club-owner/whatever who befriended a young, nerdy Peter Parker at the request of her aunt. Prior to meeting Peter, she had already discovered his secret and the two casually dated on and off for years. After Gwen Stacy’s death and a fling with the Black Cat, Peter and MJ got serious and eventually got married (before the devil undid it all—long story). Fun fact: One of MJ’s ways to cheer Peter up is to let him photograph her nude.
Hotness Level: 9
Hotness Level When Portrayed by Kirsten Dunst: 5
4. Carlie Cooper
Shortly after Spider-Man made a deal with the devil to save his Aunt May’s life and the devil undid his marriage to Mary Jane (WTF, right? I’m with you) Peter started dating police officer Carlie Cooper. Unfortunately, life and Goblins (green or otherwise) got in the way, and their relationship met its actual dead-end when Carlie was exposed to the Goblin formula and became a Goblin herself. Bummer.
Bad Luck: 10
5. Anna Maria Marconi
Spider-Man had his brain swapped with Doctor Octopus for a couple of years, and during that time, Doc Ock (while in Peter Parker’s body) fell in love with fellow doctorate student Anna Maria.
Anna is a little person and by far the most intelligent of any of Spider-Man’s girlfriends. Doc Ock/Spidey bought a ring and was planning to propose to her, but when Anna Maria was kidnapped by the Green Goblin (seriously, this fucker is all about Spidey’s Kool-Aid) Ock realized the only way to save her was to give up his control of Spider-Man’s body and let Amazing Spider-Man do his thing (which he did, ’cause he’s awesome).
Putting Doc Ock In His Place: 11